Weekly Chasidic Story # 604 (s5769-39/1 Tamuz 5769)

Church vs. State

He asked the Lubavitcher Rebbe's blessing to marry the girl he loves even though she is a gentile!

(Connection: yahrzeit date)

Church vs. State

Rabbi Shmuel Gurevitz, the representative in Leon, France, of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, once made a large Chassidic 'farbrengen' for over a hundred people in his Chabad House. After everyone had made a few l'chaims and were in good spirits, he called for silence and told the following story.

Around 1990 there was a young man that began coming to the Chabad House here in Leon and became interested in getting back to his Jewish roots. He began putting on tefilin and coming to classes until it seemed that he was just about to become completely observant.

But he surprised us one day by announcing that he was in love with and engaged to be married to a beautiful girl from a very influential family in Leon. We all congratulated him but I suspected that maybe it wasn't so simple. Sure enough, when I asked him if the girl was Jewish he replied in the negative.

I tried to explain to him that the Torah forbids such a thing, his children wouldn't be Jewish, he would be breaking the chain of Judaism etc. but to no avail.

Then suddenly I had an idea. I told him 'How can you get married without the blessing of the Lubavitcher Rebbe?' And it worked! 'He actually agreed to travel to the Rebbe and ask his permission and even insisted that I come along.

The next day he already had the tickets and that night we flew to New York carrying all sorts of letters and notes that other people gave him to take to the Rebbe as well.

When we arrived at the Rebbe's headquarters he deposited the other letters in the office of the Rebbe's secretaries. But his letter he personally handed to the Rebbe when he came out of his room for one of the prayers (despite the gestures and protests of the Rebbe's staff).

He wrote two things. First, He does not understand how the Torah has the right to enter his personal life; the Torah is there to benefit him, not the other way around, and therefore he wants the Rebbe's blessing to marry the girl he loves even though she is a gentile!

Second, he wrote that if the Rebbe does not want to bless him at least it shouldn't affect the other people that he brought letters for.

About an hour later one of the Rebbe's secretaries came running out of the Rebbe's office looking for us. The Rebbe has already replied.

We sat down and read the Rebbe's words:

"Regarding what you wrote in the end of your letter that 'perhaps I will not bless you or the other people', you need have no worry for this because there is no such thing as a Jew that does not deserve a blessing; Every Jew deserves to be blessed. Regarding what you wrote first, that you love a non Jewish girl and want to get married, this is also not correct: if you loved her then you would NOT marry her! This is contrary to her purpose in life and would be a great injustice to her as well as yourself."

The young man appreciated the Rebbe's unique and positive approach. Nevertheless, it did not affect his decision. He was resolved to marry no matter what.

They returned to France. A few months later the invitations had been sent out and the day of the wedding arrived. It was to be in one of the biggest halls in Leon with the finest food, a live orchestra and thousands of guests. Money was not an issue.

In France, because there is separation of church and state, two ceremonies are necessary for each marriage: a colorful and ornate Catholic ritual in a large cathedral complete with organ music, priests and choirboys, and a short formality in the city hall where each party mechanically declares three times 'I do' before a government official.

The Church ceremony went smoothly. Our hero had no problem kneeling, bowing, saying and doing everything the priest asked him to.

Then they all proceeded joyously to the City hall. On the way several toasts were made and by the time they got there everyone, especially the groom, was in very good spirits. They stood before the official, beaming and smiling, impatient to get the thing over and begin the festivities.

"Do you, Madam, agree to marry this man?" he asked the blushing bride for the first of three times. "Oui oui!" she answered.

"Do you Madam agree to marry this man?" he asked again and then a third time. And after each time she answered yes.

"And you, Sir" he turned to the proud groom, "Do you agree to marry this woman?"

Suddenly the groom's face changed strangely, his eyes opened wide as though he saw something frightening and he said, as though talking to someone else,

"No."

Those standing there were shocked speechless! They could not believe their ears. Did he really say no?

Again the Judge asked, "Do you want to marry this woman?" This time he yelled, "NO! NO!"

The family of the bride began shouting and threatening, and tried to grab him, they wanted to tear him apart. The guards in the city hall heard the noise and rushed in and tried to make some sense out of the ruckus. In the midst of all the confusion our hero snuck out of the building, took a cab home to get his passport, sped to the airport and left France! He stayed away for several years.

He paid the damages he had incurred and, years later when he heard that the girl was happily married to someone else and the furor had died down, he returned quietly to Leon.

After a while, at what seemed an appropriate opportunity, I asked him to explain what happened. After all, the whole wedding had been prepared, hundreds of people were waiting, and he had no problem with bowing down in the church. What made him change his mind in the municipal office at the last minute?

His response astonished me.

He said that actually he wanted to say yes. But as soon as the judge asked him if he wanted to marry, a vision of the Lubavitcher Rebbe suddenly appeared before him! It was so frightening that he just couldn't bring himself to say anything but "NO!"

"Well," concluded Rabbi Gurevitz to the crowd. "That young man shortly thereafter married a Jewish woman and now has a kosher home. His children even learn in our institutions. In fact, he is sitting here tonight right here in this room! If he wants to, he can stand up".

Everyone began looking around. Who could it be?

But no one stood. The Rabbi waited a few more seconds shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject.

The next day he called the hero of the story on the phone and apologized for putting him on the spot. "Sorry if I embarrassed you," Rabbi Gurevitz said.

"No Rabbi, you didn't embarrass me at all. It's just that the experience I had ten years ago when the Rebbe appeared to me was so frightening, I could not bring myself to stand up. I simply do not want to ever re-live it again."

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[Adapted by Yerachmiel Tilles from ohrtmimim.org/torah, the rendition of his friend and colleague Rabbi Tuvia Bolton, the popular teacher, musician, recording artist and storyteller, who heard the story in 2004 from the brother of Rabbi Gurevich who lives here in Israel.]

Connection: yahrzeit date

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Yerachmiel Tilles is co-founder and associate director of Ascent-of-Safed, and chief editor of this website (and of KabbalaOnline.org). He has hundreds of published stories to his credit, and many have been translated into other languages. He tells them live at Ascent nearly every Saturday night.

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